This afternoon, on a sunny, summery first of July, Mama’s spirit left this earth peacefully. After deepening dementia over the past years and a more rapid decline since early February, her passing is a loss and a blessing. I’m guessing about now she is in a joyful reunion with her Mama and sisters, whom she often asked about in recent years (tho long gone, she’d ask if I had heard from them and how they were doing) and then with my Papa and half-brothers (who better be telling hilariously funny stories about Daddy!). I miss them all.
This is the last photo I took of Mama, just two days before Mother’s day this year. A print of it was on her windowsill in her line of sight from her bed.
Mama and me, May 2011, at the Courtyards dining room, Quarry Hill, Camden, Maine
Hospice had thought she might go some 10 days ago, but they didn’t count on mama’s strength of will. For a frail 92 year old, she was still her determined self to the last. On Monday, the man thought she might not last the night…. but I was able to visit her again every day since including this morning a few hours before she left.
I am so eternally grateful that a place in the dementia nursing care facility didn’t open and that she was able to breathe her last at Quarry Hill, the retirement community in Camden. They have independent and assisted living, dementia care, and a small nursing wing. She was able to die surrounded by her paintings and beautiful oriental rug and pretty things, but best of all was the kind, gracious and thoughtful care from the staff on 3rd floor (assisted living, 2008-2010) and in the Courtyards (dementia care) since last July. I always used to be freaked out by such places, and now I know that goodness happens there and there are so many angels walking amongst us.
Mama was a pretty amazing woman, born back in 1918 in the tiny town of Powell, Wyoming. Her mother was determined that her four daughters and one son–in the Depression mind you–would go to college. And Gramma made that happen–in part by opening a kitchen to fix breakfasts and lunches for college students in Buckhannon, West Virginia, where all the girls attended college. Mama finished her degree in three years, but her yen to travel was stymied by World War 2.
Mama, circa 1942/3, before she was my mama!
At the end of the war she entered the military and worked as an Air Control Tower Operator at Anacostia, near Washington, D.C. Students got to pick assignments at the end of the war by class rank; she was second in her class, so she picked the farthest away spot on the list: Tokyo! So in 1946-47 Mama lived and worked in Japan with the Occupation Army. She fell in love with the people and the country, and that stayed with her for the rest of her life, as did her love of travel. For the next 20 years she lived overseas (and met my Dad working at the US Embassy in Quito, Ecuador), and even after they returned to the States she still traveled when she could.
Mama used to say she wanted to travel by yak in Nepal, and we all laughed, trying to picture mom in her mink, pearls and Ferragamo shoes atop a yak! So in honor of Mama, the next time you pass a jewelry store admire the fine jewelry. And if you like shoes, enjoy browsing (Mama’s taste ran to the Ferragamo’s so my preference for Birkenstock’s, sneakers and Dansko’s was a keen disappointment to her). Despite our many differences, Mama did what she thought best, she worked hard, and she always tried to get the best for me, her only child. So hoist a glass of your favorite drink (white zin, hot tea with milk, whatever) to honor strong and smart women everywhere. Here’s to my mama! Now I’m going to find another kleenex and give thanks for a Mama who believed in me. And I in her….
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